That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
