did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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