I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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