I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
