last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
