got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
