He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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