her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
