Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
