it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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