Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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