i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
