stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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