Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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