Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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