she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
