so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize