soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
