just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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