margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
