Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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