i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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