Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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