He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
