well you can't waste a boner
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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