We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
