those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think my mom watched the whole time
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
