Already got asked if we're dating
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
