I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
