Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize