Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
