she woke up with a sticky ear
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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