I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
