I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He did a backflip because drugs
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