She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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