His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
