you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
