I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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