remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
