Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
