U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
