best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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