Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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