Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
