don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
