She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
