Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
