I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
