i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
