I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
