He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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