Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
