I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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