so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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