Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize