im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
