I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
