if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
