if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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