Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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