please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
