tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
