How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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